Notes
Marriage reflections and insights
Wed, 01 Jul 26
58 Years of Marriage
- Grandpa and grandma approaching 58 years together
- Acknowledges it hasn’t been perfect, but “you take it and move on”
- Core rule: what happened yesterday doesn’t come up today
Daily Practice of Love
- Love requires active daily effort, not a passive state
- “Satan is there every day from the morning on trying to find something to disturb”
- Many nights going to bed upset, but waking up choosing love
- Key insight: even when you don’t feel like talking, you have to talk
- “If you want to make it, you better talk”
Chris’s Marriage and Family History
- Chris describes his wife as his best friend, wants to be with her every day
- His dad: a little loud and angry, but never toward his mom
- Directed frustration at the kids, never at the girls
- Grandpa’s parents: dad was 10 years older than mom, which created friction in later years
Age Gap and Energy in Long Marriages
- Large age gaps (10+ years) work when young but diverge with age
- Energy mismatch becomes a real strain in later life
- Example: grandma’s sister, 10-11 years younger than her husband, full of energy while he had none
- Grandpa notes grandma still expects his energy from 10 years ago
- “Look at how I have slaved all my life. Now you’re wondering I don’t have energy.”
- Two-year age gap (like grandpa and grandma) is manageable
Transcript
Speaker A57.
Speaker BYou know, we'll be over 58.
Speaker A58 years.
Speaker BWow. Yeah.
Speaker AThat's a long time. That's good.
Speaker BYou don't hear that anymore. It is a long time. It doesn't. But it doesn't feel like it's cool. No, we had. We had a good merge, apart from perfect. But hey, there's things I wish they had been different. And she probably could say same thing, you know?
Speaker ASure.
Speaker BBut you take it and move on, you know? The most important thing is forgive and forget. We made. On the day that we were married, we made a promise to each other. What happened yesterday wouldn't come up today anymore. And I can tell you pretty well, I've gone many nights very upset and almost mad to bed. Morning, wake up, love. You have to practice every day. You have to work on love every day. Because Satan is there every day right from the morning on trying to find something, you know, to. To disturb.
Speaker AYeah, yeah,
Speaker Byeah. There have been many times I didn't feel like talking to grandma. But hey, if you want to make it, you better talk.
Speaker ATotally. Yeah.
Speaker BSo how are. How are you doing those things with you, our marriage? You probably have no problems, huh?
Speaker AI think it's a lot of the same. Right. Like you go to bed mad some days, and then you wake up and you decide, you know what? That doesn't matter.
Speaker BNo.
Speaker AWe're doing really, really well. Yeah. She's my best friend and I just want to hang out with her every day.
Speaker BThat's what I see. Yeah.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BHow can. How can men hit their wives, right? Best friend. You can hit your best friend.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BI don't understand that has never, never ever done on me, the hitting drama.
Speaker ANo, never. I've never thought about it.
Speaker BNo.
Speaker ANo.
Speaker BI would be in some pairs if I did that. Yeah.
Speaker CHe looks like kind of like Megalo
Speaker Ahim.
Speaker CNo.
Speaker BThe biggest problem I have is sometimes taught just. Talk something, you know, that's. It's with some. You know, somehow it's my nature, you know,
Speaker Afor you to talk mean.
Speaker BTo talk mean, you know, like. But a lot of times mom thinks I'm mad and I haven't even thought about being mad.
Speaker AOh, I don't think I've ever heard you talk mean.
Speaker BMy voice in general, once I start talking a little bit excited, people think I'm mad.
Speaker AOh, you get a little loud.
Speaker BYeah, Yeah. I am not mad. Yes. It always sounds like I'm. I'm disturbed. I'm upset. Okay.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker BIt's not true, you know,
Speaker CExcited to see a Blue Jays game.
Speaker BHow was your mom and dad's marriage? Do you know anything about it?
Speaker AYeah, they were. They're good. They were good.
Speaker BThey.
Speaker AThey loved each other very deeply. Yeah, my dad, we talked about it. He was a little angry and loud, but never towards my mom. I never saw him upset with my mom. It was always to the kids. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. These little knuckleheads always around.
Speaker CWas she mad? Was he mad too?
Speaker BLike.
Speaker CAnd he. Judith and then T. Shinto more than
Speaker Ayou and Uncle J. I feel like he was mostly mad at me, but maybe Uncle J too. I never saw him mad at the girls.
Speaker CNot even when she took a shower
Speaker Aand then took a bath. Oh, auntie, no. My parents had a good marriage.
Speaker BYeah, my parents, I think too, you know, so I have. I remember that moment. Number 10 got very upset about that, you know, so I remember that.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BOther than that. Well, the thing was, dad was 10 years older than mom. And that's, you know, when you're young, that's fine, they're different, but when they get older, that's a difference. I know. Like grandma's sister, she was younger and 10, 11 years younger than him.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BYou know, when it comes to older aged, when you're younger you have so much energy and your partner doesn't.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker BI know what, I know what her sister, my brother in law, he didn't have the energy anymore and she was full of energy and that, that doesn't work out very good. Just a couple years difference. It's okay. But. Well, even, even with us just a little over two years ours. And grandma. Grandma sometimes thinks I should have the same energy As I had 10 years ago, you know, And I have a hard time to make it clear to her, honey, look, look my age. Look at how I have slaved all my life. Now you're wondering. I don't have energy and I'm not up to it.
Speaker CThat, that sucks.
Speaker ANot enough. Wow.
Speaker BEngland won, is it game over?
Speaker AThat's game over. Yeah, I was expecting.
Speaker BSo Congo's out now.
Speaker ACongo is out there.